I read a very interesting blog article this morning on the topic of a battle royale involving Superman vs. The Hulk. To cut to the chase, the author was saying that in an one-on-one death match, the Hulk would beat Superman to a pulp or something like that. As for me, I disagree despite the fact that I know that the Hulk is a gamma radiation mutant behemoth that gets stronger the madder he becomes. Nevertheless, the article whisk me away to another time, a time when I was an eight-year old comicbook junkie. Despite my waning interest in paying over $2.00 for comicbooks as I grew older, I never stopped being a fan of my favorite comicbooks from back in the day. Me, hands down, I was a DC Comics fan; however, I did love Marvel as well. Yet, as I recollect right now, I probably was more of a Marvel guy than a DC guy because I loved the Marvel Comicbook characters more overall. However, from a collective perspective, the Avengers and the X-Men set it off for Marvel when I was a kid. By far, I was a huge fan of the Avengers because they were just off the chain as the coolest, and tightest super-hero unit. I mean, how could you hate a group of super heroes that included: Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, Submariner, the Vision, and even the unpredictable and incredible Hulk from time to time?Don't get me wrong--the X-Men were super tight too, but for me the Avengers tipped the scale. Anyway, after the Avengers my next favorite group of super heroes was DC Comic's Legion of Super Heroes . . . pound for pound and inch for inch, I think that the Legion crushes all challengers, period. Why do I believe this? Well, because the Legion was even more future-centered than the Uncanny X-Men. In fact, if we took the five heaviest hitters from each group: the Avengers, the X-Men, and the Legion of Super Heroes--the Legion wins hands down in my opinion. But let's examine my theory a bit further, and identify the five heaviest hitters from each group in order to rationally decide the question: who prevails in a throw down between the three families of heroes. First, lets examine the Avengers since the letter "A" comes before "L" or "X".
Round 1
The five heavyweights of the Mighty Avengers would have to be: (1) Thor; (2) Iron Man; (3) Submariner; (4) Hulk; and (5) Captain America (as a reserve for the sake of argument we'll add in the Vision).
Next, lets take an up close and personal look at the Legion of Super Heroes. Their five representatives + reserve would have to be: (1) Superboy; (2) Mon-el; (3) Ultraboy; (4) Lightning Lad; and (5) Sunboy, and as a reserve I have to go with TimberWolf.
Finally, let's take a look at the most uncanny of them all the Uncanny X-Men: (1) Wolverine; (2) Cyclops; (3) Colossus; (4) Storm; (5) Rogue (and as the reserve Iceman).
Ok, now that we know who the players are let's take a look at my factual synopsis. First, I'll concede that the Avengers are a tough bunch of nuts to crack--hands down. I mean who do you deal with first? My momma always told me to do the hardest things first; however, I am going to focus on the weakest links on each team because taking on the Hulk first would definitely be a faulty strategy. So, here we go with my team-by-team analysis.
The Avengers
Strongest team members: Thor, Hulk, and Submariner. I picked Thor to survive the first- round because Thor is the God of Thunder, an Asgardian Viking-type, who is just a mad brawler. You remember the Thor cartoon, don't you? Thor never runs from a fight, and that hammer . . . simply smashing. As for the Hulk, do I really need to get redundant here? If you have seen the movie--you know why Hulk makes the cut. Nuff said. Finally, the Submariner AKA Namor, the King of the Sea, has to get my nod over Captain America or Iron Man because not only does the Submariner have superhuman strength, but he can fly and breathe underwater.
First to bow out in this analysis: Captain America and Iron man. I know some of you are going to hate me for this but let's be real. In an all out melee or death match, Iron Man doesn't survive the many chinks in his armour from getting pummeled by the likes of Superboy, Ultraboy or Mon-el. As a matter of fact, I think that Lightning Lad or Sunboy could take old iron sides out as soon as his suit of armor begins to lose power. As for Captain America . . . well, y'know the story: Army private gets the super soldier serum during World War I, and goes on to make life difficult for the Red Skull. Yet, this is exactly my problem--while the Cap'n maybe super strong--he gets crunched in a free for all between these three groups. Sorry, Cap'n fans. I know that I am going to hear it from you Captain America, and Iron Man fans out there, but hey, it is what it is. Yes, we all know that Captain America was a super soldier, but he was not a super-mutant like say the Hulk or another mutant. The Captain was merely a super hero on super steroids at an 1000x dosage. Yes, Captain America was strong, agile and quick, but in the final analysis he was a mere mortal, and mere mortals don't fare well in battles involving the super-powered. As for Iron Man, man what can I say--I love the guy about as much as I love Captain America. However, Iron Man buys it too. There is nothing worse than overblowing the staying power of a super hero with a heart condition. In this kind of free for all, Iron Man is one of the first to bite the dust
The Legion of Super-Heroes
Strongest Team Members: Superboy, Mon-el and Ultraboy. This is one heck of a triumvirate here: man, Superboy, Mon-el and Ultraboy--devastating in my opinion. Why? If you have to ask why then obviously--you don't know. But, it is cool because most GenXers are Marvel-heads, and that is cool too. As for me, I am one of the DC enlightened. You guys know about Superman, right? Well, before Superman was Superman--he was well, Superboy. Need I go on. Superboy had the same super strength, but most likely got stronger as he moved from boyhood to manhood. Now, for you who don't know about the Legion--you better recognize because Mon-el although not Kryptonian possessed the same kind of super powers as Superboy: super speed, super strength, invulnerability, etc. Most super villians stood in awe of one Superboy, but how about two because Mon-el was almost a carbon copy of the young Supes. Now Ultraboy, his powers were different. He had super speed, super strength and was invulnerable; however, he could only use one of his powers at a time. So, unlike Superboy and Mon-el, Ultraboy couldn't knock you into the future, and then use his super speed to meet you in the future, and then knock you back to the present.
First to bow out in this analysis: Lightning Lad and Sunboy. Ok, Lightning Lad was always one of my favorite members of the Legion, but in a melee like this his lightning blast don't protect him from the heavy hitters in the Avengers, and he will also have to deal with Storm's ability to control the weather, Cyclops energy blasts and Rogue with her Ms. Marvel-like super strength. I think ole LL takes an early "L" in this one. Now Sunboy is trickier because he can shoot flame from his hands, and heat things up--but in the end without being impervious to weapons or being being invulnerable, Sunboy takes a loss similar to Lightning Lad.
The X-Men
Strongest Team Members: Wolverine, Colossus, Rogue. Now, in the movies Rogue has been relegated to pretty much an after thought, but in the original X-Men cartoon where I was first introduced to Rogue (I stopped reading the X-Men comics years before Rogue came on the scene), she is an absolute beast imbued with the super strength of Ms. Marvel, and the ability to fly. It's too bad that the movie studio didn't focus on this aspect of the X-Men instead of engaging in the revisionist history that makes Wolverine the end all to be all of X-Men lore to all those non-X-Men purists. Anyway, Rogue definitely survives the first-round, as well as armored-hide Colossus, and everyone's favorite mutant, Wolverine.
First to bow out in this analysis: Cyclops, Storm. As a kid, Cyclops was my favorite member of the X-Men hands down. But, the Hollywood movie studio for whatever reason decided to make Wolverine the groups figurehead when X-Men the movie was released. As a matter of fact, the fan following took to the newest X-Man, Wolverine, so much that it made Cyclops expendable in the third X-Men movie. I think it is pointless to say that I was disappointed by the decision to kill off Scott Summers AKA Cyclops in that movie. I think you are beginning to see where I am going with this, yes? As much as I love Cyclops he takes a beat down in the battle of heavy hitters. Similarly, my girl Storm's star burns out fast too. Never mind that the Weather-Witch as she is sometimes called in comicbook land can control the weather, and send lightning bolts to pummel, and sizzle her adversaries--Storm is too sexy, and fine to last too long in this one. Wait a minute--was that a sexist statement? Ok, sorry. Put another way, Storm is a lightweight in this heavyweight bout ergo Storm takes the "L" in this one.
Round 2
The Avengers: Thor, the Hulk and Submariner.
The Legion of Super-Heroes: Superboy, Mon-el and Ultraboy.
The X-Men: Wolverine, Colossus and Rogue.
In Round 2, I say goodbye to the Submariner, Ultraboy and Wolverine. In a real comicbook match-up of opposing forces, Wolverine's mutant powers can't prevent him from getting knocked out by the likes of Thor, Hulk, Superboy or Mon-el (sorry Wolverine aficionados, LOL). Anyway, moving right along, Submariner also takes a bow in this Round. Namor is super strong, but once he begins to get dehydrated it's over, and both Superboy and Mon-el have heat vision, and the ability to freeze their opponent with their super breath. Finally, I bid Ultraboy adieu because in a game of the heaviest hitters only the truly strong survive and Ultraboy's inability to absorb and/or avoid a powerful Hulk punch, or Rogue blow might very well be his undoing because once again he can only use one super power at a time; and in a land where most of the players can take more than a punch or two, and still comeback with an even more powerful parry on a split-second reaction time, Ultraboy's deficit here becomes his ultimate undoing.
Round 3
And so it comes down to Superboy and Mon-el vs. Thor and The Hulk vs. Rogue and Colossus. Man, I must admit that as I was typing out Round 2 all kinds of thoughts began to run through my mind. Man, does any team of brute force get any more formidable than Thor and The Hulk, a virtual behemoth teamed-up with the quintessential behemoth slayer? This one is a tough call . . . but not that tough. In Round 3, we say goodbye to the X-Men team of Rogue and Colossus. No disrespect here, but Colossus is a mere mutant who can cover his body with a titanium shell. In the end, Colossus probably isn't physically hurt, but I don't see him being able to withstand the blow of the Hulk's fist or Thor's hammer. Ditto for Rogue, one of the super twins is going to knock her out because the super powers that she absorbed from Ms. Marvel won't be enough to save her from the brute force (m X a = force) of either Superboy or Mon-el.
So, in the aftermath of this battle royale, I think that I am not far off when I predict that Thor and Hulk, and Superboy and Mon-el are the last men standing . . . wait a minute . . . was that a sexist statement again? Sorry, didn't mean to say that but in the world of reformed, and closet-comicbook nerds--these are the last men standing. At this point, it would be very easy for me to pack it in, and call it a draw, as we're looking at a God and a supermutant in the title bout with two supercharged aliens that possess super speed, super strength, and everything else, well, super. Sorry again, Avenger fans, but Thor falls first here, and in the aftermath the Hulk is left to battle Superboy, and Mon-el. Granted if this was a head to head it might end in a tie; however, its not--its two against one, and because of this disadavantage the brute beastial nature of Hulk is not enough to withstand the super speed, and strength of two of the greatest Legionnaires of all time. Nuff said.
So, what do you think of the outcome of my analysis? Who wins in a battle of the titans in your opinion?
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